in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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