there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize