Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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