you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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