Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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