I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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