i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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