If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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