He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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