STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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