Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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