Plan B is the new Plan A
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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