I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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