just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize