Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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