I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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