Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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