Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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