i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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