i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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