Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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