just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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