I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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