my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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