You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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