Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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