At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize