Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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