Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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