He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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