Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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