Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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