nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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