Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
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If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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