remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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