my vag is so smooth its legendary
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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