they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize