I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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