i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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