I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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