I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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