Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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