its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The uberlube is also flammable
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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