i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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