I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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