Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
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Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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