That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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