he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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