She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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