I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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